My father is a twin. He and his sister Verna were the third set of twins born to his parents. As I was growing up, I was often told that I looked like my Aunt Verna when she was younger.

~Dad standing in back, Grandma, Uncle Skip, Aunt Verna seated~

Last night as dad and I were watching TV, he looked at me and said, "You look like your mother"... "She was a pretty lady, Jessie Matilda Thomas." Jessie Matilda Thomas is my grandmother...dad was thinking I was his twin sister Verna. He does that quite a bit lately. I figure this picture is about how far back he is with his memories lately.

Happy Mother's Day...

God made a wonderful mother,

A mother who never grows old;

He made her smile of sunshine,

And He molded her heart of pure gold;

In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,

In her cheeks fair roses you see,

God made a wonderful mother,

And He gave that dear mother to me.

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I miss mom every day, but Mother's Day is especially hard. There are so many days when I just wish I could pick up the phone and talk to her...to hear her laugh, and listen to her give me advice for whatever problem I am facing. And as dad's memory continues to fade, I find myself missing her even more. 

This year, as Mother's Day was approaching, I began to prepare myself to face the day with joy rather than sorrow. I didn't want to be sad, because mom is gone...I wanted to be happy for the legacy she left me.

• Mom taught me to be kind to everyone.

• Mom taught me to always look for the good in others.

• Mom taught me to be independent.

• Mom taught me to be positive...always finding the silver lining.

• Mom taught me to always listen to the Holy Ghost & act on it's promptings.

• Mom taught me to always be honest.

• Mom taught me to be thrifty.

• Mom taught me to enjoy the moment...to enjoy the journey, not just look forward to the destination.

• Mom taught me to take pride in who I am and always do my best.

• Mom taught me how to make my house a home.

• Mom taught me to laugh...that humor is the best medicine.
• Mom taught me so much more...

Remembering the legacy mom left me helped me to get through the day a little easier. During the passing of the Sacrament at church today, there were several crying babies. As they were getting kind of loud I found myself closing my eyes and picturing them as angels, then had to smile because that was a trick mom taught me...Mom may be gone, but she is with me always!

Hmmm...

We found out about a month and a half ago that dad might possibly have prostate cancer that has already metastasized to his bones. I've posted about it on THe LoNG aND WiNDiNG RoaD. When Dr. Duros (dad's doctor) first told me what he suspected he asked how I would want to proceed, and I told him we would let it run it's course and just do what we could to keep dad comfortable. Dr. Duris told me I had a tough decision...If it were me that had cancer, we would definitely want to treat it; And if it were someone very old and in poor health, we would probably choose not to treat it. But with dad it was a hard call, because he is actually in very good health...except for the dementia. He aslo said that prostate cancer progresses very slowly and who knows what the future holds, it could be that dad falls and breaks a hip or gets pneumonia or some other ailment and that is what ends up taking him.

For the first few days after that visit, I had a really hard time concentrating on anything. I would be working...or should I say trying to work...but just couldn't keep another thought in my head. All I could think about was whether I was making the right choice for dad. I am the one he depends on and what if I chose wrong?!

I was seeing this as a blessing that dad would not have to continue suffering through losing his mind. Except for the dementia, dad is very healthy and most of his siblings lived well into their 90's, so dad could potentially live another ten years. It just breaks my heart when he'll be in the middle of saying something and lose his train of thought and say, "I feel like a penny waiting for change." I saw this as a possible tender mercy.

Dad had a biopsy yesterday. The doctor showed me how enlarged dad's prostate is and how it is crowding in on his bladder. He took some pictures and measurements and then took six samples from different areas of the prostate. As he was finishing getting the samples, Dr. Crowley said that from what he was seeing he was pretty sure this was not cancer. To which dad replied, "Good, I'm not done, I need more time." We won't know for sure until we get the results in a week.

Hearing dad say he needs more time got me thinking. How can we know when we are making good choices. Am I just being selfish, because I don't want to watch dad suffer, but saying that it's so that dad doesn't have to suffer through this awful decease.

Don't Forget to Pray...

Growing up, dad never forgot to pray. At the beginning and ending of every day, before every meal, at before any trip we had a prayer.

At mealtime, after we bless the food and begin to eat, it is not uncommon to see dad saying an individual blessing on his food, because he's forgotten we already blessed the meal.

Often in the evening as I am helping dad get ready for bed and he is being really slow, I will go upstairs and put on my pajamas while dad is finishing getting his on. If I get side-tracked and am too slow, it is not uncommon for me to find dad kneeling beside his bed saying his evening prayers. One evening not too long ago, after finding dad saying his prayers, I posted to facebook "I love that even though my dad is losing his memory and sometimes forget my name, he never forgets to pray!"

We got our family pictures taken a while back and the photographer wanted to get a few of dad and I together. Dad wasn't really following directions very well though, and at one point she suggested I bend over and kiss dad on the forehead. It turned out to be one of my favorite pictures, so I made it my profile picture on facebook.

The other day I received a message from a friend that had just seen the picture. She wrote: Love your profile picture! It reminded me of two things: First, probably my all-time favorite FB post from anyone is when you said you love how your dad may forget your name but he never forgets to pray. And second, last Sunday, it was so sweet to see him just sitting there, and then sometimes during the hymns he would just automatically start singing. He is a great example to me of having the gospel ingrained into your very being!

Funny how even as his memory is deteriorating, dad still continues to be an example.

My Lastest Obsession...

I finally succumbed to the craze that is Pinterest.

I've had friends telling me about this great new website...a place where you can "pin" ideas you find on the internet to a "board" so you can refer to them later. It seemed like too much trouble to get involved with...why not just bookmark the webpage?

In October I went ahead and set up my own Pinterest account and decided to give it a try, and of course...now I'm hooked!

I love Pinterest. I have been able to find some great organizing and craft ideas, decorating tips, and yummy recipes.

Here are the few of the pins I've actually used:

Using some old bells we had, I created a door hanger for Christmas,

Since I collect nativities, I liked the idea of adding this to my collection,

I liked this pin, but I recreated it using better grammer. Mine says, "There are these boys who stole my heart...they call me mom." I need to get a picture of it.

I've also tried some yummy recipes:

My favorite ice cream is Rocky Road, so how could I resist trying these no bake Rocky Road Bars...they weren't quite as good as the ice cream, but they disappeared pretty quickly.
This Chunky Avocado Salsa also turned out pretty good. I made a big batch of it, thinking I would take some to work to share...we found so many uses for it over the weekend, there wasn't any left to share.

My latest pin to try is one for frozen smoothie packs to make and freeze for later, rather then going to Jamba Juice. I bought a frozen fruit package that contained strawberries, mangos, peaches, and pineapples then added frozen bananas and the yogurt...

...we'll see how they taste in the morning.

Merry Christmas!

Even though the only decorations that made it out of the box this year were the Christmas lights, a set of snowman salt and pepper shakers, and one nativity...I think this has been one of my favorite Christmases!

As a family we decided that this year we would each get one gift each, and then we would be "Secret Santas" to another family. It was so much fun seeing the boys get excited as they figured out what the perfect gifts would be for this family.

Connor was lucky and found the gift he wanted to give while he was out shopping with friends on "Black Friday," but poor Tanner had to wait for Eli or I to be available to take him shopping. I had a report due to the American Bar Association by December 20th. It ended up being a LOT bigger then I anticipated, so I worked several late nights, which meant no shopping for Tanner. He and I did manage to get to the store one Saturday, but suddenly realized I'd left my wallet at home, so this was going to be a "planning" trip. Tanner was able to show me a few things he would like for himself and also figure out what would be the perfect gift for his friend. Finally on Monday, he made it back to the store with Eli and was able to make his purchase. Of course the first thing he did when he got home was wrap the gifts!

Yesterday it was so fun listening to the boys plot how to go about delivering the gifts without getting caught. Where should we park, what if their curtains were open, and which get away route would be best. Watching their excitement as we loaded the gifts into the car and all climbed in, because no one wanted to be left home, was contagious...it was good to see my two favorite boys caught up in the true spirit of Christmas!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

I love this time of year! I love the hustle and bustle of trying to find the perfect gift for everyone on my list, I love the spirit of the season and the way it seems to bring out the best in people, I love listening to Christmas music at work, at home and in the car, I love decorating the Christmas tree, I love to seeing the bright Christmas lights on houses after dark as I drive through town, I love the yummy treats that my friends and neighbors share with me, I love watching snow fall and gently place a beautiful white blanket on everything it touches, I love walking through the toy asiles and seeing the kids get excited about all the toys as their parents tell them "Maybe Santa will bring it", I love decorating the house with all the festive decorations of the season, but what I love most is getting out my nativity collection and being reminded of the reason for it all. I love that Heavenly Father loved me enough to send his Son to be an example for me, to teach me, and to give his life that I may live again. Yep, it really is the most wonderful time of the year!!