Keeping Promises...

In September of 2005 my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer & a month later got pneumonia, which sped the dying process, but was a much gentler death. As mom’s body was shutting down on her, we could tell she was fighting to hang on & felt that it was because she was worried about our father, who has dementia. Independently & unknown to each other, my sister Suzy & I each went in to let our mom know that she did not need to worry about our dad, because we would take care of him.

Suzy does not work outside of her home & had an extra bedroom, so the plan was for dad to live with Suzy & her family. Suzy & her family were wonderful! They welcomed dad into their home with open arms. Then about a year ago, Suzy began having health problems due to the stress of caring for dad, so he moved into my brother Norman’s home. When dad moved in with Norman & Toni we all knew it was going to be temporary, because as dad’s dementia progressed he would need more skilled care. We began gathering information on some facilities in California that were centrally located between Suzy & Norman, but none of them quite met dad’s needs.

Then one Sunday as Tanner was speaking in the Sacrament meeting of a retirement home in our ward boundaries it dawned on me…“dad should move to Utah.” It hit me that if dad were living here in Utah, he would be able to attend Sacrament meeting & the staff at the facility would be respectful of his religious beliefs & customs. I began checking into assisted living care facilities & found Courtyard at Jamestown. They have an Enhanced Care unit, which is a secure section for patients with memory loss. When Eli & I toured the facility, we knew it was perfect! It met all dad’s needs…they even have an outside courtyard where dad can pull weeds!

In April I flew down to San Diego on a Thursday & the next morning Suzy & I drove dad up to Utah with all his belongings. On Saturday we went to Jamestown to set up dad’s room with all his furniture & photos, so that Monday when he arrived it would all be familiar. As we were putting his stuff away I have to admit, there were moments of guilt…I had promised my mother that I would help to take care of dad! But now that dad has been at Jamestown for almost two full months, I no longer have guilt. Dad has thrived at Jamestown! They have daily activities such as cooking classes, music appreciation and exercises, as well as scenic bus rides three times a week. He even went to a petting zoo last week. He is also eating regularly & has even gained some weight back.

From the moment the idea came to me, I have felt it was the right move & as plans have just fallen into place for dad to be able come to Jamestown it has been reaffirmed to me that this is the right decision for dad. So I guess that sometimes keeping the promises we’ve made means doing things differently than we had planned.