I’ll Love You Forever

Dad has been living in Utah for 2 1/2 years now, and the last year and half have been with us. Having dad in our home has really not changed our daily routines to much...besides the fact that Eli now stays home with dad. When we go out now, if dad is not coming with us, we just have to make sure someone is home with dad. And if dad is coming with us it takes longer to get ready and get going, plus dad's walking has slowed down considerably...I didn't really think that was possible...so getting dad even from the house to the car and then the car to the appointment takes at least an extra 10 to 15 minutes. I feel bad, because there are times when we are hurrying out for a quick trip to the bank or store & we sneak so dad doesn't ask to come along. I know he loves getting out, so I try to take him for rides or to walk around WalMart pretty regularly, but sometimes he doesn't get to come.

For the longest time the effects of the dementia have been slow, but lately dad's memory seems to be becoming worse at a faster pace. It's gotten to be that I can almost set my watch by the level of dad's confusion. It starts at about 7:20 p.m. every evening. He starts with, "So what's our status?" or "What time is someone going to take me home?" We explain that we are home, and he lives here with us. The next question is usually something to the effect of "Does my family know I'm here?" to which we explain that we are his family and that all the other family members also know where dad is and have even been here to visit him. That usually helps him for a bit, but typically less than 5 minutes later the routine starts over. It breaks my heart to see dad so confused, and about the third or fourth time he asks, he’ll say “I know you’ve told me this, but I just can’t remember…” I have to admit, it gets really tiring! But as frustrated as I get on the inside, I try not to let it show because I am sure dad is just as, if not more, frustrated.

Lately, at about 9:30 p.m., to help reduce the confusion, I will take him to his room and help him start getting ready for bed. I’ll get his dentures ready to soak, while he starts to change, then I’ll just sit in his recliner and we “visit” while he is getting his jammies on. In his room, with all his pictures and plaques, dad is not so lost. And I have to admit, growing up dad and I did not “visit” too often. Not that we had a bad relationship or anything…I was just closer to mom. Now, I take advantage of our chances to “visit,” which is usually looking through his pictures and having him tell me who all these people are, or me asking questions about when he was younger.

So last night as we were going through the routine, I thought of the cycle of life and the children’s book I’ll Love You Forever and how we are living that story…then this morning when I checked in on facebook, my friend had posted the following video that sums it up perfectly.